How to Get Out of the Friend Zone: Make Him Fall for You

Luca Vaccino
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The Friend Zone: What's New?

Where Is It?

You’ve probably heard of the “friend zone” at least once in your life. Every guy and girl has been in the friend zone at some point. It’s a place where you’re invited to hang out and be friends, but you aren’t considered a potential mate. It usually happens between the ages of 13 and 29.

When you are in the friend zone, it is very hard to get out. You are expected to be pleasant and friendly, always happy and eager to keep spending time together.

This is no way to live.

In this article, you are going to discover what you can do to make your friends (and maybe some competition) take notice of how great a catch you are.

It's a Trap: 6 Signs You're Falling Into the Friend Zone!

Sooner or later you meet a great guy. You talk, laugh and connect with him on a beautiful level. He turns out to be wonderful, funny, nice, clever, and just about the perfect guy. However, something is holding you back from things getting physical. No matter how much you try to push the issue or how far you take things, you can't seem to make him fall for you.

Now, there may be a reason why you're not getting to experience the passionate, sexual side of your relationship, and it's not your fault. You've fallen into the "friend zone"!

The friend zone is a place you don't need to be in, and you don't want to be there. It's a place that's hard to get out of, and it can have a serious effect on your life. Most guys want to be in the girl's life forever, and most girls want to be chased like they've never been chased before.

Of course, the key to out-maneuvering the friendship and getting the relationship you want is to learn when you are in the friend zone and when you've entered the friend zone. It sounds easy but there's a whole different world in between.

He has a not-so-sweet pet name for you.

You’re both in high school. He likes you. You like him. And he calls you his sugar pie.

Isn’t that why you came over in the first place?

Perhaps. But your relationship is one-sided. You’re not even sure he likes you back.

And if that isn’t bad enough, imagine what his friends think of your relationship….

‘Did you know she’s exclusive with you?’

‘Oh yes, I know. He’s been around for over a week.’

‘Wanna know what’s the worst thing about it? That she’s friends with you too…… and she started dating her dog!’

There’s more than a few reasons to (maybe) take a step back from him. But what if you’re really feeling the love, and it’s time to take your relationship to the next level…?

The Friend Zone isn’t for the weak! Get it on.

You go on Group "Dates" together.

If you go on group dates, don’t just stand there and wait for your partner to ask you out. Talk to him!

If you sit there quietly, he may get the impression that you are the wallflower. Stand up and talk to him! You have no idea how many girls have approached me while we’re waiting for the waitress to bring the food!

If he doesn’t respond, don’t worry about it. He’s probably shy.

If he gets ignored for too long, it’s fine. He’s probably shy.

If you are more assertive, you may just not be his type. Get the hint and move on!

If you’re not sure what his type is, try talking to other guys at the table. See if they are the same way.

If he never asks you out, take him to the next group "date" you have! He’s probably not asking you out on purpose! Or, he’s shy and he’s getting shyier by the day because he’s waiting for you to make the first move.

He talks about other hot girls with you.

Most guys would love to get out of the friend zone quicker than forever. So what are they doing that they don’t know they are doing that are not allowing them to break free?

The first thing is that most guys believe they are their own worst enemy. Once the friendship gets closer, and he realizes he prefers hanging out with you over the other girls he knows, he will start talking about her to you.

Yes. He will tell you he thinks she is hot, that she is out.

He will say that he is going to ask her out, but it is not his style. He will say he is going to call or text her, but it is not his style.

It is all very true, but it is all bullshit. It is all a big red flag.

Your conversations are always innocent.

Friendly at the very least. Introductions are made and as you introduce yourselves, hands are shaken and smiles are exchanged. The tension is brought down to a slight simmer as the conversation starts to flow. You have that one friend in common. You can talk about anything.

And then he says his next sentence and the smoke clears. “Hey I know you want to get into the friend zone with me (or even just stay there), but I am an asshole. So, let’s see if you can guess this, I am a bit of a nerd. In fact, I am a total loser.”

Have you ever tried to start a new conversation?

Maybe you’ve tried it on someone who was cold and/or rude, with little success.

He makes you play the waiting game.

It’s typically described as the friend zone, and it’s one of those things that gets tossed around a lot. Saying someone is in the friend zone is a way of mocking them and suggesting that it couldn’t ever happen to you.

But it’s actually a lot more serious than that, and it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

In order to one-up the friend zone and get out of it, all you will need is to use his own game against him. Understand that he’s trying to get you to move on and date other people. And use that against him.

HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!

Is it actually possible to get out of the friend zone and into a relationship? Yes, it is!

You are walking in a local park when you see an attractive gentleman walk past you and into the distance. Then you notice something…

You suddenly feel very nervous.

You think, "Oh God, what if he walks past me again? What if he sees ME?"

You try to control yourself and start to walk, but you keep looking behind you, hoping to see him. You start to panic.

And then, you see him coming back towards you.

But this time you don't start shaking. Now you just look straight at him and smile.

That's when you suddenly realize that you had actually been overthinking the whole situation, and your facial expression made everything come so much clearer.

You look at him again.

You see he's carrying a beer and two people are walking by his side.

You might be wondering what I'm talking about…

Is he going to ask you out?

He WANTS you to ask him out. But not on a date. But a…

Friend.

When you're friends, you can help each other with whatever you feel like. You can even be open with each other and talk about things you'd never tell anyone else because it's a friend that's there for you.

Am I Stuck in the Friend Zone?

“Yes, I guess I am,” you say with a sigh. “I love him, but he doesn’t even know I’m alive. I guess I’ll just go cry in a corner and die now.”

Don’t worry; you’re not stuck in the friend zone. Now, the definition of the friend zone might be a little different for you, but the idea is the same. You love someone, but nothing will come from it and neither party is willing to make the next logical step: sex.

Why the Friend Zone

With the exception of very platonic friends, and good friends with benefits, it is unlikely to find someone willing to get into a sexual relationship with you, and vice versa. “I don’t know why we don’t sleep together. We’re such a great fit. I just don’t want to ruin our friendship,” she says.

Is this just your story? Am I describing my life?

Perhaps this happens to you, and it’s kind of a bummer.

Common Mistakes That Got You Stuck on the Friend Zone

If you’ve been dating a guy for a few months and still haven’t made the progress you want towards building a relationship, or if you’re resigned to being friends with someone and he’s not interested, here is your first clue on how to stop being stuck in the friend zone.

Have you been noticing most of the little things your man does is really romantic, but doesn’t have a romantic outcome? You know, the little things that leave you breathless, like how he always uses your last name. Or how he always calls you by your first name. Or when he uses that sexy voice. He’s committed, but not committed enough to a relationship with you, though.

These signs shouldn’t surprise you. It’s the same behavioral patterns you see in all guys who don’t want to invest.

You’re probably thinking, “There must be a way to break out of the friend zone without hurting his feelings.” It’s true, but it’s not as easy as it seems.

You're hiding the woman in you.

Title 29 of the Federal Reserve's Code of Federal Regulations deals with the President's order to "make available, by each Federal Reserve Bank, upon written request and payment of fees, to any duly authorized committee of the Congress or its subcommittee, the names and addresses, and a brief description and term of employment of all employees of the Board," among other things.

Information, in this case, is "obtained by review of personnel records of Reserve Banks and from appropriate personnel offices except for heads of departments, officers in charge of departments, or similar officials," presumably because their information would be of the most interest to Congress, which means all of the Fed's employees are at risk of running afoul of the law.

Still, it's an interesting idea. Before we get to our example, please note that this is potentially illegal behavior. We share it because it's an interesting insight into how people think in general, not as an invitation to do anything illegal.

The rules regarding trade secret and other confidential information, however, are stricter and therefore seldom get broken — especially by senior executives.

Nonetheless, there are candidates for whom this might be a risk.

For one, without naming any names, there is at least one board member at Goldman Sachs. Members of the board are supposed to keep their interests separate from the company's, and the board member in question probably shouldn't trade company stock.

You act like "one of the guys."

Mr. Romantic will find that way of being sexy and attractive. Don't wear any perfume, makeup, or spaghetti straps that require a 48-inch bustline. That's not sexy.

Fake it till you make it. Look at the stuff that guys take for granted, from women acting like they don't care to making a fool of themselves at a party. Men are so used to girls making this effort unnecessary.

With this in mind, the trick is to make sure he realizes it only takes you a few minutes to prep yourself for the evening, but it takes him twenty to realize that.

Another trick is to put your bra on last. It's no surprise that most men don't feel a woman has the same "effects" on them when they see bare skin.

And, never wait until after he’s made a bold move to send a sign you're interested. It only reveals that he’s so interested, he’s taken a chance.

Don't seem too interested from the first second you meet.

Anything you have to keep as a secret around him will keep you as a secret, too. You can try toe-curling your shoes with wool, buy a whole new outfit, or use cheap makeup instead of his brand.

You are too needy and desperate.

Maybe you are hoping that moaning and complaining about your predicament will open his eyes to how much you feel for him. Unfortunately, you have brought this on yourself.

You sound desperate and needy.

Don’t take any more of his time for granted. Only speak when you have something productive to offer. And, of course, be polite because you may have to hear him out on countless occasions.

There is nothing wrong with him getting to know more people. He is your friend, and he should be trying to create a life for himself. You may want to consider doing the same, and you should certainly treat people more politely if you want to be seen in a more positive light.

You are too confrontational.

Are you pushing the subject because you think the boundaries of acceptable interaction have been crossed? Well, they may have been, but he is still one of your closest friends, so you really shouldn’t behave that way.

Actually, the whole point of being in the dating game is that you can’t just be friends with a person and expect them to see you more romantically. It’s a completely separate game from friendship.

You're just not his type.

You can still get him. But you're going to have to work for it. A new study says men look for someone with certain attributes … and opposites-attract relationships can work.

Researchers had men look at photographs of women and rate them on physical attractiveness, intelligence, and socioeconomic status. They also asked the men in their study questions about how emotionally attached they'd be to that woman.

Researchers found that "The most attractive (defined in the study as having the highest ratings for face and body) and the most intelligent women were rated as even less desirable partners than the least attractive and least intelligent women."

Meanwhile, "men rated attractive women as more desirable, more emotionally available as romantic partners, and more satisfying sex partners than men rated unattractive women."

The opposite was true of less-desirable characteristics: less attractive women were rated higher than more attractive women in physical and intellectual qualities.

The conclusion of the study? …

Men value women's physical attractiveness, attractiveness peaks at around 28–29 years, and men are most attracted to women between 21 and 25.

They also found women look for men like themselves … men presumably the less they look like their female partners, the less they're likely to find them attractive.

He thinks you're way out of his league.

Because you are always the one to go out with him and keep things casual, he thinks you don't like him.

His friends think you’re a "catch." He wants to get to know you better, but you're the one who keeps things low-key.

Just as he's opening up to you, you suddenly take a vacation or even break up with him. It's like you disappear completely.

You don't want to be another notch in his bedpost. You're scared that if you got serious, he’d want to be the one to end it.

He won’t want to, he’d feel like he was dumping you. It’s a lose-lose situation.

Your friend zone dilemma is a special kind of headache. There are tricks to getting out of this achy, vulnerable zone.

Don’t be casual.

If you want to break out of the friend zone, you must always let that person know that you are interested.

Otherwise, he’ll think you’re just being polite.

This is pretty hard to do. You need to put in more effort and show that you are willing to go further.

5 Tips on How to Get Out of the Friend Zone

Make Him Fall for You

Get on his radar by becoming an attractive friend. These get a guy’s attention, but if he doesn’t feel that he can trust you, he won’t be attracted to you.

Be careful with your appearance. Don’t look like you are trying to prove something by dressing in attention-getting clothes. Don’t make the mistake of dressing beyond your age. It’s okay to put on a couple of extra pounds, but don’t look like a bigger person or get any tattoos or piercings.

Don’t try to act older than you are. Also, don’t introduce too many excessive habits. Also, try not to have a child or a miniature horse at home. It might intimidate him.

Be nice. Have dinner with him at his apartment or otherwise give him an invitation. Don’t just text him to hang out. It shows that you are too lazy to pick up the phone and you don’t care to socialize with him. You want him to feel comfortable with you.

Don’t talk about your ex to avoid looking like a floozy or a home wrecker.

Expand your circle.

The friend zone is not some end-of-the-earth type place for all guys. This is where most guys love to get to, they may be afraid of the transition process.

To get over the friend zone, it’s not like becoming better friends or meeting you mother. This is about getting to know you and letting the respect happen.

Started from the bottom, now we working out of it. The more you talk, the more he will start to pay attention. He will get interested about you. The more he will get interested, the less he will be able to stay in the friend zone and more he will be ready to say hi to you.

Let her get ready first and slow her down. When a man starts talking to you, let him expect them to see you and talk to you for a long time.

Once you start talking, the feelings you do not know and at this point men are believed to think that they can by friendship because the vacuum begins to talk to you and you will be older.

Go ahead and make her fall in love with you. Sex and relationships just do not happen over the phone. And believe me, if the voice-kiss – is made on the phone, it will lose the taste. Try to get ready in front of the camera recorder.

Add a little mystery.

Ask a question that leads to an unexpected answer.

In order to get yourself out of the friend zone, it’s important to ensure that your conversation goes in a different direction.

You’re going to need to drop a few hints. Ask a question that you suspect you know the answer to, but are still looking for confirmation. Ask a question that will lead to an answer you’re not expecting, but will answer anyway. Let him catch a glimpse of his true feelings.

Men are often awkward when they feel as though they might be getting too close to a woman. Everything becomes easier when the dam breaks and they show you what you’ve long suspected.

You know you’re in the friend zone when you’re not even sure where you stand. When it’s safe to say that you have a good rapport is when you can just laugh and joke about all the stupid things that you do together, such as waiting in line for something, or walking down a street hand in hand.

However, every once in a while, you get a drippy hint. He always seems concerned that you’re having too much fun and he will try too hard to get close.

Soon, he starts to think of you as just a friend.

Ask him to help you out.

Make yourself look like a victim.

Who is your best friend? Now, ask him to help you out. Make yourself look like a vulnerable, helpless girl. You can gently mention that you are not feeling too well. Be honest; fret less. Here you are trying to make him fall in love with you; telling him your menstrual cycle is a total mess, and you might end up being feeling less beautiful than you are right now. He will feel for you, unlike any other man. That’s how you can get him to take you seriously.

Now, you want to be playful with that. Trick him into admiring your alluring and eye-catching smile. Your feeling is stricken, and you are the one to blame. If you smile, it will make your beauty soar through the clouds. When you smile, you are supple, and it is incredibly more inviting than any other smile. The fact remains, you are genuinely beautiful. If you are not, your smile will not work. But, as you have fallen for him, the act of smiling will be more natural; you will not even be aware of it.

Tell him the truth.

One thing that keeps a lot of men in the friend zone is the idea that no one would like them if they knew they were a great lover. Women in the friend zone want guys to want them, and guys in the friend zone want to hear that they’re attractive.

This is a subtle difference, but men will flock to hear they’re good-looking, but women will swarm with bees if you tell them they’re great in bed.

Try to find a balance between the two. If you don’t want to tell him how great he is, but you want him to know, then you can tell him the following: “I’m afraid that if I slept with you, I would be breaking your heart.”

This is a bold, honest statement that will definitely draw his attention. Make sure that you don’t expect the line to just get him in the friend zone, though. It should only get him closer, not to the end of the relationship.

You might also try making some impure jokes, especially around your house or with your friends. Do it in a sensitive manner, and see if he responds. Perhaps he’s interested, or he responds in a way that makes you think he might be.

Stop acting like a friend.

Guys have a natural need to be more than friends with the women they love, but he doesn’t want to crush his friend. So you need to go in a different direction.

Rejection: The Dead End

No matter what kind of guy you are trying to attract, rejection is unavoidable, unless you do something. Let’s take a quick look now at rejection.

Rejection is inevitable – no matter how well you think you are doing, this one situation can wreck your day, month, or year.

How do you deal with it? Use this formula:

{1}. Don’t take it in.
{2}. Don’t take it personally.
{3}. Don’t think you were doing it wrong.

Example: Sarah goes to the bar after work one day. She looks at all the cute guys and notices that they stare back. The problem is that none of them seem to be talking to her. She notices that there are three guys in particular. They are all single, and they are all obviously looking at Sarah, who happens to be the only woman in the tavern. She watches one guy walk up to her. He takes her hand and starts flirting, but he then takes her hand right back. She looks dejected and leaves.

Now that you have the formula, let’s break it down.

If you take rejection in, it will make your heart sink and your day will not improve. So don’t do that.

Stop pretending that you're okay.

If you're feeling down or jealous, don't hide it. Mention it. If your relationship feels different now.

Ask him what he's doing. If he's making plans without you, ask him what they are. If he doesn't offer up sugaring, ask what he's doing. This will avoid him feeling like he has to constantly keep tabs on you.

Let your jealousy go. Fear of being alone could make you cling to an unhealthy relationship. Don't use your feelings to control him. Let go, and realize you have many other fish in the sea.

See your relationship as a Learning Experience. You may not be the one to get the honor of learning from dating this person, but you can enjoy the fact that you will learn how women are treated in the Friend Zone.

Get to know your competition. You may feel the urge to compete with women he talks to, but make sure you don't use him to do it. Check out who he talks to. Make observations about whether she's younger or older, whether he mentions a relationship with her, or if he seems to favor any other women he speaks with.

Don't surrender. If he wants to pursue a relationship with you, you have to do the same. Maybe let him know how he can do this without causing problems, but don't back down. Stay true to yourself.

Talk to a friend.

Ask him for advice regarding the man you like. The man in question may admit to interest. If he does, tell him you’re flattered, you’ll tell your friend later, and then ditch him.

The difference between hot and lukewarm is the energy you put into it. To turn lukewarm into hot, you simply need to add your energy and get invested in the conversation.

Be enthusiastic. Smile. Use body language and facial expressions to show you are interested.

Don’t talk to a man like you’re trying to get him to add you on Facebook. It’s not a casual meeting between two friends. You want to appear like you’re legitimately interested in him. To do that, pay attention to everything he does by becoming genuinely curious about the things he tells you. Don’t use Tinder to meet him; do something fun together. Take an interest in him beyond his professional life and good physical features.

That’s right, let him know you’re interested. From there, ask him what he likes and share your own personal likes and dislikes with him, as long as they are similar to his.

Create some distance.

If you’re trying to stop yourself from getting friend zoned, then it’s time to give some space between you and your friend. If you’ve noticed that he’s always treating you the same way, then start to give him some distance. Act friendly towards him, but not overly so that he assumes he is still your only friend.

In the same way, you should also start to treat him like a friend, but just do it a little less than before. Be distant but not rude.

Develop a genuine interest in this guy you like, but don’t go overboard with it (or else he will find it a bit too ‘saying-too-much’).

If you can, also encourage him to go out and socialise with other people at some point, and also get his input on this when you are talking about it. Let him know that you’re interested in him, and that you can see beyond your friends.

Focus on yourself.

Stop trying to get to know his interests and hobbies. Take a look at his Facebook page. Examine his profile picture to try to figure out what he is interested in.

This kind of research is how you will seem interesting to him.

Don't give up on love.

Here are some tips on how to get out of the friend zone.

Whenever you ask any woman how to get out of the friend zone, she will tell you, “you have to ask her.” This would be more constructive if she wasn’t lying. Of course, she’s lying because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you the truth.

Don’t worry. If women weren’t liars, they’d be men, and then how would we ever know what exactly they are thinking?

So, do what all the other smart men do and learn from the liars. Never let a woman hide the truth from you.